You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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