Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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