every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His hands were made for my vagina.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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