umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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