Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
