the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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