Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
