I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
