I checked into jail on foursquare
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can I color on your dick again?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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