Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
