I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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