are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
