Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
