oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
