my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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