Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
