Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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