girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
