It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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