I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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