Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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