I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
