it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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