At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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