I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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