Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
