I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
