my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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