i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
