Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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