and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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