from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize