i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
