She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
