Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
