Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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