You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
