please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
