She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
