There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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