As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
