He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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