I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
