Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
