Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
