This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
