Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
