you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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