3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
