so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
