I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
